i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
