We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
