he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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