i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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