i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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