His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
