I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
