Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
