Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
