dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize