he told me I talked like a deaf person
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
