In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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