I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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