I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
