how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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