I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
