There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
