there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
