she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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