I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
