I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
