there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
