Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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