I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
