i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
