The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
