i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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