My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
