I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize