he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
