She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
