I hate all girls vehemently.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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