why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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