it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
