this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
