It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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