god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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