So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
