I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
