she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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