Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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