Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
