I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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