What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
