Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
