Yo dont text me then not text me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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