You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
