The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
