If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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