Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
