i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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