Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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