i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
