We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
