we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
