More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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