my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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