Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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