Is it normal to miss your booty call?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So vagazzling was a success
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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