Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
