That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
