glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
