She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
