they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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