I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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