and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
