He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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